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This is a list of quotes for the map Zombies map Ascension.

Tank Dempsey Edit

Beginning a MatchEdit

"Okay...WHOA! Where the hell did color go?"
— Starting a game.
"Hey, check it out, black and white bitches!... Dah... no Power."
— Starting a game.
"Hey, Treyarch! Can we get a new objective, please?"
— Starting a game. (Breaking fourth wall)
"Hey, what happened to all the color?"
— Starting a game.
"No one can ever tell me why there's always a big switch to find. Seriously."
— Starting a game.
"New place, same problem, no power. HOLY CRAP, NO COLOR EITHER!!"
— Starting a game.
"Uhhh...Is it just me, or did you guys hear a voice?"
— After hearing Gersch.

Killing a ZombieEdit

"Now serving number one-fifteen!"
— After killing multiple zombies, or being surrounded. A reference to the element 115.
"Tank Dempsey! Kickin' ass and making messes!"
— When Dempsey is killing a lot of zombies.
"Wow, you're all so limp and... wow... (laughs)"
— When getting multi kills with the Thundergun
"Whoa man, I didn't know I was that good. Oh wait, yeah I did!"
— When killing a large group of zombies.
"I think that one hit the sky. Holy crap!"
— When killing a zombie with the Thundergun.
"Whoo! Learn to fly, freaksacks!"
— After killing multiple zombies with Thundergun.
"Thank you, Ray!"
— After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun
"Is that blood, or is there this red mist everywhere?"
— After getting a knife kill
"Not a chance in hell, you maggot addicts!"
— Dempsey after knifing a zombie.
"Can you clear through, flesh addict?"
— After killing a zombie.
"Take that marrow maggot!"
— After killing a Zombie.
"It's raining body parts, Richtofen will be so happy!"
— After blowing off a limb.
"Say "Hi" to Sam for me!"
— After killing multiple zombies with the Gersch Device
"EAT LEAD - uh, green shit - MAGGOT-ADDICTS!!"
— After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun (Possible reference to a line in the movie "Independence Day")
"EAT LEAD...uh, green... balls... FLESH ADDICT!!"
— After getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun (Possible reference to a line in the movie "Independence Day")
"What's that? You don't want to die? Sorry, no returns accepted."
— Dempsey after killing group of zombies.

Being Hit by a ZombieEdit

"I told you not to touch me BONE-JUNKIE!!"
— After killing a zombie that attacked him.
"Get off of me you undead flesh-addict!"
— After killing a zombie that attacked him.

Space MonkeyEdit

"I'll send you back to space, monkey bones!"
— Getting attacked by a Space Monkey.
"Back off Monkey!"
— Dempsey after killing a Space Monkey
"Holy Undead Space Monkeys!"
— When starting a Space Monkey round (possible reference to Robin from Batman)
"Back up Buttercup."
— Said after being hit by a Space Monkey. A possible reference to a line in Halo 3: ODST
"Monkeys are stealing my Juggernog!"
— Dempsey after Monkeys start attacking Juggernog.
"Monkey are stealing my Jumping Juice!"
— Said if the Space monkeys are attacking the PhD Flopper Machine
"Eat it you undead space monkey!"
— Dempsey after Monkeys start attacking Juggernog.

Downed/RevivedEdit

"I know, you need me, no need to tell me about it..."
— After being revived.
"It was all Nikolai's fault!"
— After being revived
"Oh, you saved me! Whatever."
— After being revived
"My gun jammed or else that wouldn't have happened."
— After being revived
"Ever heard of taking a siesta?"
— After being revived
"Dammit, they're taking me down!!!"
— After being downed
"Ahh, hell, I'm not winning here!!!"
— After being downed (possibly a reference to Charlie Sheen).
"Ahh, shit, I'm goin' down!!!"
— After being downed

AmmoEdit

"Hey! Player, get me some more ammo or we're both goin' down!"
— When out of ammo
"I'm outta ammo, how about you player?"
— Said when out of ammo (obvious fourth wall breach, which Dempsey has done before)
"Hey dude, want to get me some ammo!?"
— When out of ammo.
"You know this isn't as much fun when we don't have bullets!"
— Running out of ammo
"Nothing left in my guns."
— When out of ammo
"Yo! Need some juice!"
— When out of ammo.
"Gettin' low on ammo."
— When low on ammo.
"Think I'm gonna need a clip soon."
— When low on ammo.
"No ammo."
— When out of ammo.
"I'm all out of juice!"
— When out of ammo.
"I gotta get some ammo before the bloodshed can continue!"
— When out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/DoorEdit

"Well, this will do the trick."
— After buying the Sickle.
"Hey, where's the hammer?"
— After buying the Sickle.(A reference to the Russian Hammer and Sickle)
"Holy hell this is cool!"
— After getting the Gersch device
"Now THIS is why I keep playing!"
— After getting a Ray Gun
"Ray, buddy, I gotta get you a beer sometime."
— After getting a Ray Gun
"Oh, the M16. She's just sooo perfect."
— After buying M16 off wall
"5.56 millimeter of love. Just like Richtofen."
— After buying an M16 off wall
"M one sleek. Awesome."
— After buying M16 off wall
"Right! The M16!"
— After buying M16 off wall
"M16! This tool get the job done!"
— After buying M16 off wall
"Yo freaksacks. Wanna try a classic?"
— After buying M16 off wall

Power UpEdit

"That will keep them out for a few seconds!"
— Dempsey, after getting a Carpenter.
"I don't know how that works but, thank you."
— Dempsey after getting a Carpenter.
"Time for a break!"
— Dempsey after getting a Carpenter.
"Woah! Max ammo!"
— Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.
"Juice!"
— Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.
"Free killing"
— Dempsey after getting a Max ammo.
"Hear that freak bags? You're gonna die!"
— Dempsey, after getting an insta-kill.
"ROID RAGE!"
— after getting an insta-kill or a death machine power-up
"That's right, die!"
— Dempsey after getting an insta-kill.
"Ka-fucking boom maggots"
— Dempsey after getting a Nuke.
"Attention freaksacks, EVERYTHING MUST GO!"
— Dempsey when a Fire Sale is activated.
"I get to buy guns for half-price? AWESOME!"
— Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.
"Box pulls: 10 points! Sweet!"
— Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.
"The creepy little girl has a weird sense of humor."
— Dempsey after getting a Fire Sale.

Perk-A-ColaEdit

"Some things get better with age, Revive soda's not one of them!"
— After buying Quick Revive
"I can't stand prunes."
— After buying PhD Flopper
"Goes down like a bucket of slime."
— After buying Speed Cola
"Doesn't get any better, Mmm Mmm Mmm!"
— After buying Juggernog
"Whoa, that was sour."
— After buying Stamin-Up

Pack-A-PunchEdit

"Who would have thought a little girl could cause sooo much trouble!?""
— Dempsey when Pack-a-punching a gun.
"Everyone says Tak is boring - and, maybe he is - but you always need that one stale guy to make the rest of us a little bit cooler."
— Said When Pack-a-Punching a Weapon with Takeo Masaki nearby. (Reference to how many players seems to favour the other characters over Takeo.)
"This one is MINE!!!"
— When receiving a weapon from the Pack-A-Punch machine.
"(Demented Laughing)"
— After receiving Porter's Ray Gun X2 from the Pack-A-Punch machine
"This just turned the fun knob up to 11!"
— After receiving Porter's Ray Gun X2 from the Pack-A-Punch machine. (Reference to "This is Spinal Tap")
"Richtofen. I don't like him. I think I've seen him before Shi No Numa, but... I can't quite remember. In fact, I can't really remember much at all from before..."
— When Pack-A-Punching a weapon, referring to the memory wipe caused by Element 115.
"Damn, I keep forgetting to update my Facebook page."
— Said when using the Pack-A-Punch machine (Reference to Facebook, which didn't exist in the 60's)
"Yeah, Nikolai is alright, I just think he is hiding something under all that booze."
— Said when Nikolai is near while the player is Pack-a-Punching.
"Skullcrusher, that's what they used to come back home."
— After Pack-a-Punching M16. Reference to M16 service during Vietnam war.
"What's better than then M16? The Skullcrusher!"
— After Pack-a-Punching M16. Reference to his quote from Kino Der Toten about the M16
"Looks like M16, smells like M16, kills like five M16!"
— After Pack-a-Punching M16. A possible reference to the Pure Silk commercial.
"Oh baby, whats not all about this?"
— After Pack-a-Punching M16.
"I'm gonna make 'em all die *laughing*."
— After Pack-a-Punching M16.

Mystery BoxEdit

"Bye-bye box. *mutters* Shit-balls"
— Getting a Teddy Bear
"Hey leggo my hand grenade!"
— After getting the Matryoshka dolls. (Reference to "Leggo My Eggo", a slogan of Eggo Waffles.)
"What's this?"
— After getting the Matryoshka Doll from the Mystery Box.
"An SMG... now I just need one for my other hand"
— After getting an SMG from the Mystery Box.
"SCREW THAT STUPID BOX!"
— When attempting to use the Mystery Box without enough points.
"What in the world is Gersch?"
— After obtaining the Gersch Device. Reference to Shi no Numa quote about Root Beer Shelf
"Great. Just like that singing monkey."
— After obtaining the Gersch Device.
"It's long, hard and accurate...Just like me.""
— After obtaining an L96A1.

InteractiveEdit

"Look at the poor, evil doctor all surrounded."
— When Richtofen is surrounded.
"On my way, Doc. Only because I want to shank you myself."
— When Richtofen is down or surrounded.
"Hey Richtofen, speed dating again?"
— When Richtofen is being chased by zombies.
"Yeah, yeah. You got its head. What was that? Five feet?"
— Said after Richtofen quotes himself getting a headshot.

Matryoshka DollEdit

"Who's this guy?"
— After Nikolai's Matryoshka Doll talks to him, because he ignores Nikolai.
"Just what I need, a crappy Russian toy!"
— After receiving the Matryoshka Dolls from the Mystery Box.
"Is this a doll or an action figure?"
— Using a Matryoshka Doll.

OtherEdit

"Yeah, yeah. Found the song. Whatever."
— Upon finding the secret song
"I sure hope that was a good idea."
— After completing the final power node.
"Come get some maggot addicts!"
— When surrounded, Reference to Full Metal Jacket.
"Player, focus man. We need headshots."
— When surrounded.

Nikolai BelinskiEdit

Beginning a MatchEdit

"Need to get the power on, so all this cool stuff turns on."
— Said at the start of a game.
"First objective: Turn on power. Second objective: Drink, or vice versa, you know what I'd choose!"
— When starting a game
"Yeah, yeah, I'm almost out of vodka...I mean, No power!"
— When starting a game
"Why is there never any power?"
— When starting a game
"I will help you, but only if you get me some vodka!"
— After Gersch speaks.

Killing a ZombieEdit

"What I love about explosions is the explosion part."
— After blowing up a group of zombies
"Cheer up! You guys last longer than my marriages!"
— After killing a large group of Zombies
"This fucking gun is amazing!"
— When getting multiple kills with the Ray Gun.
"There are plenty of zombies for everyone. I just happen to be killing them all!"
— After killing multiple zombies.
"So easy, even a drunk can do it."
— Said when using the Thundergun. (Reference to Geico caveman commercials)
"The shattering bones of the, uh... DIE, DIE!"
— Said when using the Thundergun.
"You'll never reach into the pockets of the, uh... Gahh, I lost my train of thought."
— Said when killing a crawler.
"I feel like dirty western capitalist, hogging up all these kills!"
— When getting multiple kills
"The sound of your brain exploding is like music to my ears."
— Getting a headshot
"If only divorce was this easy."
— After killing a zombie with the Death Machine
"They were like dominoes, da?"
— Said after getting multiple headshots. Likely a reference to the "Domino Theory" of Communist Aggression
"Feel the wrath of the Motherland!"
— After killing a zombie.
"Russians only get this close to vodka!"
— When a zombie hits Nikolai
"It's a party, see the confetti?!"
— After getting a headshot or an explosive kill
"Invade my space, I shoot your face!"
— Getting a headshot
"I'm warning you, I'm FLAMMABLE! *Long pause, then chuckles* Pull my finger..."
— When surrounded

Being Hit by a ZombieEdit

"You touch me, I KILL YOU! Sounds like fair trade?"
— Nikolai after killing a zombie that just hit him
"My ex-wife hits harder than you!"
— after killing a zombie that recently hit him.
"I warned you, hell spawn!"
— After killing a zombie that had hit him. His voice cracks when he says the word spawn.
"You are a fool for touching Nikolai!"
— After killing a zombie that hit him.
"You are like foot fungus!"
— After being attacked by a crawler

Space MonkeyEdit

"So, Takeo DID have love affair with stuffed monkey! Look what they made!"
— Randomly at the start of a Monkey Round. A reference to how Nikolai teases Takeo about the Monkey Bomb.
"Am I drunk, or am I getting attacked by space monkey?!"
— Nikolai being attacked by a Space Monkey
"What will opposable thumbs do you now, eh?"
— When killing a space monkey.
"Owch, Monkey! I will kill you for that!"
— After being attacked by a space monkey.
"The monkeys are stealing my stuff!"
— When a monkey attacks a player's perk.
"Orangutan!"
— When killing a space monkey
"You see, this is why I hate you. Those beady little eyes!"
— When killing a space monkey
"No monkey, no!"
— After being attacked by a space monkey.

Downed/RevivedEdit

"Oh crap, I really need help! Even if it's Takeo!"
— After being downed
"I'm going down!"
— After being downed
"The bear's been hit!"
— After being downed
"I need help!"
— After being downed
"I've fallen and I cant get up!"
— Nikolai being downed. A reference to Life alert.
"(Exhales) About time! I was beginning to sober up!"
— After being revived
"I was getting tired of doing all the killing, so I took a break!"
— After being revived
"You should be thankful I was giving you something to do, other than running away!"
— After being revived
"It took thousands of them to finally get me!"
— After being revived (A reference to a similar quote in Kino, where he exclaims "You've see what happened to me? There were thousands!")
"I merely slipped in all the blood I spilled!"
— After being revived

AmmoEdit

"Guess I'll have to use my bare hands, like with my fourth wife. (pause) Always talking..."
— When out of ammo.
"Every bullet must count now, I'm doomed!"
— when low on ammo
"These things eventually run out!?"
— When out of ammo.
"FUCK! Out of ammo!"
— When out of ammo.
"I don't think throwing my gun at them will be as effective as having ammo."
— Said when out of ammo.
"My weapon is hungry for ammo!"
— When out of ammo.
"I can't talk zombies to death, I need ammo."
— When out of ammo
"I can't wish zombies dead, I need ammo!"
— When out of ammo.
"I give too many of my bullets away!"
— Said when low on ammo.
"If I don't find ammo, I'll have to kill them with my breath!"
— When out of ammo
"Can anyone spare some ammo?"
— When out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/DoorEdit

"They will never hear me coming...*burp*"
— Upon buying an M14 of the wall.
"This I can not wait to use!"
— Said after buying a SMG off the wall.
"I used this to kill a bear once, she was also my first wife."
— Buying a Shotgun off the wall
"I will aim carefully, pull the trigger at just the right time... wait, I am too drunk for this."
— Sometimes said after buying the M14.
"My wife used to wear this between her ears... because of my snoring."
— Upon buying a Sickle off the wall.
"That stripper DID take all my money!... Bitch..."
— Said when trying to open a door without enough points. This is a reference to a Kino Der Toten quote under the same circumstances.
"Shhh... I'm going to kill you.."
— After buying M14. A reference to Elmer Fudd from Looney Toons.
"'God-in-can' ...Okay."
— After buying a Thundergun
"Wait, so I can't just fire with reckless abandon?!"
— After buying a semi-auto weapon
"This gun should be free, like in USA, everyone have gun there."
— Said when trying to buy a gun with insufficient points.
"I hear this weapon cures living."
— Upon buying an Olympia off the wall.
"[burp]...uh, this will do."
— after buying the stakeout from the wall
"Such sharpness... like my wit."
— Upon buying a Sickle off the wall.
"This reminds me of home. 'HONEY, I'M HOME!'"
— upon buying the Sickle off the wall
"Nothing says trouble like a drunk Russian with an MG (laughs)!"
— Said after buying a MG off the wall.
"Come to Nikolai!"
— When buying the MP5K

Power UpEdit

"I am so happy I can do the Trepak! (starts singing)"
— Whenever a power up is picked up or when scoring multiple headshots
"My weapon is filled with bullets, my body is filled with vodka. All is good!"
— After getting a Max Ammo.
"They're all dead, good time for drink."
— After the nuke explosion.
"Quick! Everyone make a mad dash for the box!"
— Upon picking up a Fire Sale.
"Let the carnage continue!"
— When getting Max Ammo. A possible reference to when someone pauses their game, and to get out of the pause menu, you choose a line that says Resume Carnage.

Perk-A-ColaEdit

"Now, I am Russian bear!"
— After buying Juggernog.
"Now my reloads are as fast as my wit! (Laughs) You get it?!"
— After buying Speed Cola. (Based on a recent running gag of him following lame jokes with a "Get it?!"
"I do not like this drink, it ruins my buzz."
— After buying Quick Revive.
"This makes good mixer, no?"
— After buying Stamin-Up.
"This thick like Russian bull milk mom used to drink!"
— After buying PhD Flopper.

Pack-A-PunchEdit

"I don't trust Takeo, I think he is up to something. Maybe he has been playing around with the monkey bomb."
— Said while Pack-A-Punching a weapon
"Takeo, he's quiet: that makes me suspicious. (Quieter) And, trust me, he's up to something - like playing with that evil, stuffed monkey, eh?"
— Said while Pack-A-Punching a weapon
"Ugh, I keep forgetting to update my Facebook page!"
— Said during the use of the Pack-a-Punch machine. This very sneakily breaks the fourth wall, as there ARE Nikolais on Facebook. Dempsey also says a similar quote.
"Dempsey: I like him because he is brave, like 3rd wife. He is going to die one day but he will take many with him, like 4th wife."
— Said while using Pack-A-Punch and Dempsey is near by.
"Richtofen, I don't know why he like me so much. Maybe he is trying for a free drink. I don't give free drinks."
— During Pack-a-punch process.

Mystery BoxEdit

"I have black hole now, just like 3rd wife! We won't talk about that."
— After collecting the Gersch Device
"I used this to kill my relative. She was my fifth wife!"
— After receiving an assault rifle from the Mystery Box.
"A cute little trinket. Maybe there's vodka inside, eh?"
— When activating the Matryoshka Doll easter egg or receiving one from the Mystery Box
"Great, now I have to hold up both arms!"
— After obtaining CZ75 dual wield.
"What a handsome weapon! Oh, that's my reflection! He he..."
— After getting the Thundergun from the mystery box.
"Ah the Falafel - good for eating AND killing."
— said after receiving the FAL from the Mystery Box.
"Fuck you Teddy Bear!"
— When getting a Teddy Bear. The safe version replaces fuck with screw.
"There it goes again. If you see my ex-wives, tell them "Fuck you!""
— When getting a Teddy Bear. The safe version replaces fuck with screw
"Thank God I didn't hide my vodka in there."
— After receiving a Teddy Bear.
"I knew I should've spent the money on the vodka instead!"
— When getting a pistol from the box.
"I wonder if zombies can die from laughter..."
— When getting a pistol from the box.
"Now, if only shitness could kill..."
— When getting a pistol from the box.
"Gun meet zombies, zombies meet death *chuckle*"
— When getting an assault rifle from the box.
"F'n A! I got the FN FAL!"
— When getting the FAL from the mystery box

InteractiveEdit

Matryoshka DollEdit

"I have sister who used to make these. She's bitch."
— When using a Matryoshka Doll.
"Hey! I had some of these back home!"
— When receiving a Matryoshka Doll.
"This reminds me of better times...if I had them."
— After examining a Matroska Doll or getting one from the Mystery Box.

OtherEdit

"HEY! You didn't get me a drink!"
— After completing the Casimir Mechanism.
"A song! Let us dance. (starts singing)"
— After activating the song "Abracadavre"
""Nope, no liquor store.""
— After jumping through Gersch Device.

Takeo MasakiEdit

Beginning a MatchEdit

"I must give light to this dark place."
— Starting a match
"Darkness is the domain of the dead, we must give this place life!"
— Starting a match
"With the switch of the honorable, we'll breath new life into this place."
— Starting a match
"War, Demon! It's just a shot away!"
— Starting a match (A reference to the The Rolling Stones song Gimme Shelter)
"Who are you?"
— After Gersch speaks.

Casimir MechanismEdit

"May the light shine in your darkness."
— Completing the first node.
"Poor points of power."
— Completing the second node.
"I am not sure how this is helping you, but I hope that it is."
— Completing the third node.
"Your fate, shall be decided by the honorable."
— Completing the fourth node.
"I will open a portal of honor!"
— Completing the fourth node.
"I am beginning to feel you are stringing us along."
— Completing the fourth node.
"More power! Where do we get more?"
— Completing the fourth node.
"I hope you in turn, free someone else.. who needs it."
— After freeing Gersch.

Gersch DeviceEdit

"What the..... is this?"
— Getting the Gersch Device
"With this, they stand no chance!"
— Getting the Gersch Device
"This is a... most unnatural weapon."
— Getting the Gersch Device
"Oooh, I don´t like that."
— Jumping through the Gersch Device
"Euh... how did I get here?"
— Jumping through the Gersch Device
"Oh, that is just not right."
— Jumping through the Gersch Device
"Focus, keeps the stomach from going inside out."
— Jumping through the Gersch Device
"What once was, is no longer!"
— Killing zombies with the Gersch Device
"Bye Bye, zombies!"
— Killing zombies with the Gersch Device
"They will harm, no longer!"
— Killing zombies with the Gersch Device
"They are send beyond!"
— Killing zombies with the Gersch Device
"The abominations are pulled into the void!"
— Killing zombies with the Gersch Device

Killing a ZombieEdit

"That's how we shake hands where I come from."
— Blasting away a Zombie's limb.
"I will cherish this moment."
— Blasting away a Zombie's limb.
"That's what you get from coming back from the dead!"
— Blasting away a Zombie's limb.
"I go too easy on you."
— Blasting away a Zombie's limb.
"Crawlers? I sense a good strategy with these."
— After making a crawler. (Referring to players who often make crawlers)
"Remember my name... TAKEO!"
— After knifing a zombie.
"Oh you wish to die face to face then? So be it!"
— After knifing a zombie.
"That is it? THAT is ALL you have?"
— After knifing a zombie.
"It slices! It dices! It's a wonder!"
— After knifing a zombie with a Sickle. (It is possible that this is a reference to the Slap-Chop commercial.)
"Like the sushi, it's all in the cut!"
— After knifing an enemy with a Sickle. (Not confirmed for knifing with combat knife.)
"Death should always be this intimate."
— After knifing several enemies with a Sickle.
"Slashing throats!"
— After knifing a zombie.
"Taste my steel!"
— after knifing a zombie
"Bow down!"
— After knifing a zombie.
"Hah-hah! That is called, a 'reversal of fortune' beast!"
— after knifing a zombie
"WHAT IS MY NAME?!"
— After killing a zombie.
"Spilling blood, is the only joy I know!"
— After killing a zombie.
"Back to your graves, death pigs!"
— After killing a zombie.
"Takeo is all that is man!"
— After killing a zombie. Reference to Kennedy's Quote on the map 'Five'.
"Take THAT, you soulless creature!"
— After killing a zombie.
"Just like how the universe began, Big Bang!"
— When killing Zombies with the Phd Floppers explosion.
"All... I am."
— When killing zombies with an explosion.
"Choke on it!"
— When killing zombies with an explosion.
"More for me to kill!"
— When killing zombies with an explosion.
"That was somewhat satisfying."
— When killing zombies with an explosion.
"Grenades? I sense a good strategy with these."
— Killing a couple of zombies with a grenade. A reference to how players maker crawlers.
"I don't like that."
— After jumping through the Gersch Device
"Confucius say, "Answer blow in wind." Wait, that's not right..."
— when killing a zombie with a Thundergun. A reference to the Bob Dylan song "Blowin' in the Wind"

Being Hit by a ZombieEdit

"Touch not, lest ye be destroyed!"
— Upon killing a zombie after being attacked.
"Ah! Every scratch upon me, will be met upon you a THOUSAND fold."
— Upon being attacked
"Check your feet!"
— Upon getting attacked by a crawler
"Aim low!"
— Upon getting attacked by a crawler.
"Good thing I left my sandals at home!"
— Upon getting attacked by a crawler.

In troubleEdit

"I will make the last stand of the 300, look like amateur hour!"
— Getting overwhelmed. (Reference to the movie, 300)
"Don´t be too anxious to cross sword with Takeo!"
— Getting overwhelmed.
"They have encircled my position!"
— Getting overwhelmed.
"Three-hundred-sixty degrees of protrusions!"
— Getting overwhelmed.
"You DARE sneak up behind me, cravens!?"
— Getting overwhelmed.
"The line will be drawn, here!"
— Getting overwhelmed.
"Come, I will give you something to groan about!"
— Getting overwhelmed. Similar to a quote by Robert McNamara.
"TO THE DEATHS!"
— Getting overwhelmed.
"That´s it, get a little closer! Don´t be shy!"
— Getting overwhelmed.

Space MonkeyEdit

"That doesn't sound good."
— Beginning of the monkey round.
"Ooh, what is coming now?"
— Beginning of the monkey round.
"This better be something GOOD, for once!"
— Beginning of the monkey round.
"Dempsey, you speak these monkeys' language, don't you? TELL THEM TO STOP STEALING MY PERKS!"
— Upon dealing with the Space Monkeys.
"Your thieving days are over!"
— Killing Space Monkeys.
"These are destroyed, by the weapons of the pure!"
— Killing Space Monkeys.
"Die, foul creature!"
— Killing Space Monkeys.
"Begone from this earth!"
— Killing Space Monkeys.
"The monkeys are stealing my Speed Cola!"
— When Space Monkeys attack the Speed Cola machine.
"NO! They steal the Stamin-Up!"
— When Space Monkeys attack the Stamin-Up machine.
"They are taking the Boom Brew!"
— When Space Monkeys attack the PhD Flopper machine.
"They are stealing my Juggernog!"
— When Space Monkeys are attacking Juggernog.
"They are taking Revive!"
— When Space Monkeys are attacking Quick Revive.
"Get your hands off me you damn, dirty ape!"
— After killing a monkey that recently attacked him. A reference to Planet of the Apes.

Downed/RevivedEdit

"I refuse to accept this fate!"
— Takeo after being downed by zombies.
"No, not like this!"
— Takeo after being downed by zombies.
"This is not how Takeo will meet his demise!"
— Takeo after being downed by zombies.
"I dishonored myself on the ground like this."
— Takeo after being downed by zombies.
"Where is the sweet sushi taste, of a Quick Revive when I need one!?"
— after being downed by zombies.
"I will repay this debt, with my honor!"
— After being saved from the brink of death.
"I and my ancestors, thank you."
— After being saved from the brink of death.
"You do me a great kindness...my brother in arms."
— After being saved from the brink of death.
"You have ensured your survival, with this act."
— After being saved from the brink of death.
"Urgh... Domo."
— after being saved from the brink of death. (Domo roughly meaning "thank you" in Japanese)

AmmoEdit

"Empty, I am!"
— When out of ammo (possibly a reference to Yoda from Star Wars)
"No guns, no problem!"
— When out of ammo
"I may be out, but it's not over!"
— When out of ammo
"No ammo, no problem!"
— when out of ammo
"Zero ammo, double the honor!"
— Takeo with no ammo.
"No ammo, or new weapon? Decisions...decisions..."
— Takeo commenting about players often needing to choose between no ammo, or buying a new gun.
"Confucius say, get more bullets dammit!"
— Takeo breaking the fourth wall.
"No ammo, no weapons... now the real fight begins!"
— Takeo with both weapons out of ammo.

Buying a Weapon/DoorEdit

"War demons, Is just a shot away!"
— Getting a sniper. (Reference to Gimme Shelter)
"I must destroy more undead for this gift."
— Trying to open a door/buy a weapon without the minimum required points.
"A skill-less, yet powerful weapon!"
— Buying the Olympia. A reference to the fact that most gamers don't aim with a shotgun.
"A most interesting weapon."
— Buying the MP5K.
"I will cut them down... one limb at a time!"
— Buying the Stakeout.

Power UpEdit

"Fortune and glory, fortune AND GLORY!"
— Getting a nuke. A reference to Indianna Jones.
"And THAT was for my master! "
— Getting a powerup.
"The strength of my ancestors powers me!"
— Getting a Max Ammo.
"You bring shame to the zombie people."
— Getting a Max Ammo
"Crazy Takeo! Must be insane with prices THIS low!"
— Getting a Fire Sale
"They are slashing prices!"
— Getting a Fire Sale
"Hurry up and buy!"
— Getting a Fire Sale (Reference to the film "Don't Be A Menace")

Perk-A-ColaEdit

"Like a kamikaze on a hot day!"
— After buying Boom Juice (cut). Kamikaze means divine winds, and a kamikaze was a bomb-laden plane that would deliberately ram into an enemy ship or building.
"I take this was rotten"
— After buying PhD Flopper (cut)
"Double-tapping my R.O.F"
— After buying Double Tapp. (cut)
"A taste that reminds me of home."
— After buying Quick Revive.
"Juggernog is fuel for honor!"
— After buying Juggernog.
"That would go well with Revive soda."
— After buying Stamin-up
"This...makes my eyes water."
— After buying PhD Flopper.
"I love S-s-s-sp-peed COLA!"
— Getting a Speed Cola

Pack-A-PunchEdit

"I think Dempsey is like a ghost, he wake up in new world everyday. I don't think he remembers anything from before."
— Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish. A reference to his memory coming back.
"Nikolai's presence brings me dishonor. He tries to drown the past. It will consume him one day. I do not think he remembers anything."
— Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish. A reference to his memory coming back.
"Richtofen, his evil is great. But not as great as what we fight today. One day, when the time is right I will make him pay for what he has done!"
— Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish. A reference to his memory coming back.
"Hurry up, time is a luxury here!"
— Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to finish. (Possible reference about the danger getting overwhelmed in the same room.)
"No more Mr. Nice Samurai!"
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon. An obvious pun on the line, No more Mr. Nice Guy, a line which Kennedy, Richtofen, and Krueger have either said or parodied.
"It has changed for the better!"
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon.
"I love it when you Pack my gun with Punch."
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon.
"My weapon, has been blessed by the gods!"
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon.
"Just when I thought, it couldn't get any better!"
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon.
"Like a butterfly bursting force from it's cocoon."
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon.
"It is truly wondrous to behold!"
— Upon getting his upgraded weapon.
"Pack-A-Punch, work your Black Magic!"
— Waiting for the Pack-A-Punch to be finish. A possible reference to the Pack-A-Punch being fueled with Element 115.
"More Yin for the Yang!"
— While waiting for Pack-A-Punch to finish. A reference to the Yin and Yang symbol.
"I'll take it!"
— After Pack-a-Punching a gun.

Mystery BoxEdit

"You dare laugh at Takeo!? "
— After getting a Teddy Bear instead of a weapon.
"Still this box mocks me, with its fickle ways!"
— Trying to buy the box, without the required 950 points. (Also replying to his comment in Kino der Toten.)
"One hundred twenty rounds per second. More then enough!"
— Getting the Spectre from the box.
"Double Fists of Fury!"
— Getting a double pistol.
"This is what my dreams are made of."
— Getting the Crossbow out of the box.
"I´d rather go into battle, with no arm!"
— Getting a weak weapon out of the box.
"It´s lack of honor, knows no bounds!"
— Getting a weak weapon out of the box.
"This box I trust no longer!"
— Getting a weak weapon out of the box.
"I will tear out your cottony guts for this, bear!"
— After getting a Teddy Bear instead of a weapon.

InteractiveEdit

"Doctor, your precision never ceases to amaze!"
— When Richtofen gets a headshot
"Your skills support your knowledge of Bushido!"
— When Richtofen gets a headshot
"I can learn much from your brutality, Edward."
— When Richtofen gets a headshot
"Richtofen, your work will become a legend."
— When Richtofen gets a headshot
"Keep it up, doctor!"
— When Richtofen gets a headshot
"Get to the doctor!"
— When Richtofen is swarmed (Possible reference to the famous Arnold Schwarznegger quote: "Get to the Choppa!")
"Hold fast, Edward! I'm coming!"
— When Richtofen is swarmed
"You can do it, Richtofen!"
— When Richtofen is swarmed
"Keep it up, Richtofen! I am en route!"
— When Richtofen is swarmed
"It's not over yet, doctor! Keep fighting!"
— When Richtofen is swarmed
"Oh, you relish in your work, doctor!"
— When Richtofen makes a crawler
"You made a crawler! Congratulations!"
— When Richtofen makes a crawler
"It still breathes, Edward! Finish him!"
— When Richtofen makes a crawler
"You knock them down, I clean them up!"
— When Richtofen makes a crawler
"Revel in it, Richtofen! Revel!"
— When Richtofen makes a crawler
"You do not deserve such fortune!"
— When Nikolai gets a headshot
"Even a blind squirrel, occasionally finds a nut!"
— When Nikolai gets a headshot
"Your foul breath caused its face to explode!"
— When Nikolai gets a headshot
"I give you begrudging kudos. Hmph."
— When Nikolai gets a headshot
"Wipe that grin off your face, Russian dog!"
— When Nikolai gets a headshot
"You listen Takeo more, you live longer!"
— When Nikolai is swarmed (A reference to a similar line said by Short Round in Temple of Doom)
"I am bound by honor to aid you!"
— When Nikolai is swarmed
"The enemy of my enemy is...stinky!"
— When Nikolai is swarmed
"Look at Nikolai. Now that is a show!"
— When Nikolai is swarmed
"I weep for your honor, Russian dog."
— When Nikolai is swarmed
"Pathetic, even for a Russian!"
— When Nikolai makes a crawler
"You just can't get it right, can you Nikolai?"
— When Nikolai makes a crawler
"Nauseating."
— When Nikolai makes a crawler
"Your skills in battle offend my eyes!"
— When Nikolai makes a crawler
"Drink less, kill more, Bolshevik dog!"
— When Nikolai makes a crawler

Matryoshka DollEdit

"One becomes two becomes three becomes...Death!"
— When using a Matryoshka doll.
"How many surprises do you hide, little one?"
— When using a Matryoshka doll.
"A toy that even I can play with!"
— When using a Matryoshka doll.

OtherEdit

"There will never be enough of you to forsake my honor!"
— When being surrounded.
"I'm coming Edward!"
— When Richtofen is being swarmed
"Keep fighting Doctor, I'll come save you!"
— When Richtofen is being swarmed.
"I see you take great pleasure in your work, Doctor!"
— After witnessing Richtofen get multiple kills
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"
— Upon firing the Thundergun (Reference to Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings)
"Uhh, I feel funny."
— After jumping through the Gersch Device. A possible reference to the YouTube video, David After Dentist.

Edward RichtofenEdit

Beginning a MatchEdit

"Why is there no power? Where did all the color go? (short pause) Who am I talking to?"
— When starting a new game.
"If given enough time I could create a generator from spare parts- why is it black and white now?"
— Starting a game
"Dempsey must be the one turning off the power... he probably stole all the color too."
— When starting a new game
"Who keeps turning off the power wherever we go? And now taken the color? WHO IS DOING THIS!?"
— After starting a match
"I think that rat Dempsey stole all the color, and HE keeps turning off the power. Oh I hate you Dempsey."
— After starting a match
"There's no power. And no color. Fascinating."
— When beginning the match
"Usually the voices sound so angry!"
— After Gersch speaks.

Killing a ZombieEdit

"It's like mowing a lawn of flesh, ja..."
— After killing multiple zombies
"Die you demon!"
— After killing a zombie
"Hahahahahahaha! DIE!!"
— After killing multiple zombies
"The insides of your head are delicious!"
— After getting a headshot
"I HARVESTED your soul!"
— After killing a zombie with the Sickle
"They are so small now, I can put them in my pocket."
— Said when he blows up a zombie.
"Why do the voices sound so ANGRY?"
— Getting multiple kills
"The screams of the dead fills my heart with joy!"
— Getting multiple kills.
"Boom goes the corpses!"
— Getting multiple grenade kills. Said to the melody of 'Pop goes the Weasel'.
"Tiny pieces, in the wine, hahaha!"
— Said with any explosive kill.
"DON'T LOOK DO- oh, too late."
— Said with a Thundergun kill
"I hope you understand that you will all die."
— When swarmed
"The power! ...Oh look, they all fall down."
— Said with a Thundergun kill
"Oh, that must hurt so good."
— Said with a Thundergun kill
"They're flying... Fly Children! FLY!"
— Said with a Thundergun kill
"Now you could fit into a gumball machine... and I could have a piece of you for a quarter. WHO HAS A QUARTER?! Dempsey?"
— After blowing up a zombie.
"Gather around, gather around... it's story time, mein children...(Demented Laughter)"
— When swarmed.
"What's that noise? Oh! A horde of zombies."
— When swarmed.

Being Hit by a ZombieEdit

"Again, the doctor is victorious!"
— Killing a zombie that hurt the player
"It bounces off me and sticks on you! (Laughs) Oh, sticks on you..."
— Killing a zombie that hurt the player
"NEIN! My turn!"
— Killing a zombie that hurt the player
"I do the dissections around here!"
— Killing a zombie that hurt the player
"It's warm! It's warm it's on my neck!"
— After killing a zombie that had hurt him.
"Get off my shoe schwein! (Laughs) Shoe schwein."
— Being hit by a Crawler.
"Off of me, sheisse!"
— When hit by a crawler.
"Stay back you little creeps!"
— When hit by a crawler
"You must be put down!"
— When hit by a crawler.
"It wants to play! How cute."
— When near a crawler.

Space MonkeyEdit

"(laughs) I don't like monkey."
— Said upon killing a space monkey.
"Are they trying to comunica- oh no... they're having sex."
— Said upon being attacked by a space monkey
"At least it isn't throwing shit."
— After being attacked by a Space Monkey.
"Die little hairy man!"
— After killing a Space Monkey.
"Look at the tail! I want the tail!"
— After killing a Space Monkey.

Downed/RevivedEdit

"We shall commence with the killing."
— After Richtofen is revived
"The doctor needs a nurse."
— after getting downed
"I'm not dead! ...Not yet."
— After being revived. Possible reference to the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
"Step away, the doctor is back."
— After being revived.
"Nein, nein! I need assistance!"
— When being downed
"Doctor needs a nap."
— after getting downed

AmmoEdit

"This weapon is empty!"
— When running out of ammo
"Nein, nein, nein! I need ammo!"
— When running out of ammo
"Now, to find some ammo!"
— When running out of ammo
"Without proper ammo, I cannot give them proper death!"
— When running out of ammo
"The ammo is low!"
— When low on ammo
"Dempsey! Did you steal my ammo?"
— When having no ammo.
"Hm... ammo is running low."
— -When running low on ammo
"Only few bullets... perhaps I should stab them."
— When running low on ammo.
"Ze Doctor needs to find ammo!"
— When out of ammo.
"That sound taunts me."
— When out of ammo. Refers to the clicking sound made when a gun is empty.

Buying a Weapon/DoorEdit

"Oh, the inflation is killing me!"
— When trying to open a door without enough points, a reference to the hyperinflation that occurred in the Weimar Republic (post WWI Germany)
"Eenie meenie miney SHOTGUN!"
— Said when receiving a shotgun from the Mystery Box or buying one off the wall
"Now to strike them in their SPINE!"
— Said when buying a M14 off the wall
"I shall touch you, from a great distance!"
— After buying M14.
"This will paint the walls a wonderful color....RRRED!!!"
— Said when receiving a LMG or Assault Rifle from the Mystery Box. May also apply to other weapons
"A shotgun preformes a better autopsy."
— Said when buying the Olympia ("Also said in Kino der Toten")

Power UpEdit

"Oh ze little demons go boom!"
— Upon getting a nuke.
"The explosion is so intense! I cannot contain myself."
— Upon getting a nuke
"Ja, ja, send me more patients!"
— After receiving Insta-Kill.
"Your death will be quick!"
— After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill.
"Now you DIE!"
— After killing a zombie during Insta-Kill]].
"Double the points, double the death, double the fun."
— After receiving a Double Points power-up
"Shut up, shut up. I must concentrate."
— When receiving the Double Points power-up (Could refer to Samantha or the voices in his head.)
"Oh, ja, I've been waiting for this!"
— After receiving Double Points
"Well, this place did need a remodel."
— After getting Carpenter.
"Where does this man with the hammer hide?"
— Upon receiving Carpenter
"Their little heads will go... BOOM!"
— When getting a max ammo drop
"More ammo, more death! *maniacal laugh*"
— After getting Max Ammo.

Perk-A-ColaEdit

"BLAH! Gets me every time..."
— After buying Revive Soda.
"(said very fast) This drink is my favorite, I cannot express how much I enjoy it's invigorating taste and exceptional finish."
— After buying Speed Cola
"It has "Doctor" in the title. Just like me!"
— Upon purchasing PhD Flopper.
"Ah good, I was getting parched."
— After buying Juggernog.
"With this The Doctor can go for a very long time! *laughs* Does that turn you on?"
— After buying Stamin-Up
"Ah, the Root Beer shelf. We meet again, my friend."
— The unused quote for drinking Double Tap Root Beer.
"Oh ja, maybe this will toughen me up."
— Unused Quote for the cut perk Tufbrew.
"With this I can go down even quicker!"
— Unused quote for the cut perk Pronaide.

Pack-A-PunchEdit

"Eenie Meenie Minie Mo, I will shoot you in ze toe; UND ZE FACE!"
— Said when receiving a weapon from the Pack-a-Punch machine.
"I've always disliked Dempsey. He's just a meathead. Nothing's changed no matter how much we did it."
— When waiting for Pack-a-Punch
"Nikolai. Maybe it was his drinking that made him take so well. Or maybe what we did, gave him his drinking problem. Oh well."
— When waiting for Pack-a-Punch
"Takeo has always been so quiet. For some reason, no matter the pain, he's always so respectful. I hate that."
— When waiting for Pack-a-Punch

Mystery BoxEdit

"How do they get that little person inside?"
— After receiving a Matryoshka Doll from the Mystery Box
"Oh ja, this will work nicely."
— Getting a SMG from the Mystery Box
"Why is there no Ricthofen device?"
— Getting a Gersch device from the Mystery Box
"This is unfortunate."
— When getting a "bad" gun from the Mystery Box
"Eenie meenie miney SHOTGUN!"
— Said when receiving a shotgun from the Mystery Box, or buying one off the wall
"Box... we talked about this."
— Said when receiving a pistol from the Mystery Box
"Damn, damn, DAMN!"
— When getting a "bad" gun from the Mystery Box. (A reference to Good Times)
"I used to crush these when I was a child to hear my sister cry in anguish."
— Said when interacting with a Matryoshka Doll.
"Mother told me never to play with dolls - now... they are MINE!!"
— When getting the Matryoshka Dolls
"The Gersch Device!"
— After receiving the Gersch Device from the Mystery Box
"Nothing is better than a personal black hole."
— After receiving the Gersch Device from a Mystery Box
"If I'd made this it would have sucked and not blown. (Laughs)"
— When getting the Thundergun
"Why do you taunt me?"
— Said when Mystery box disappears.
"I shall find this box and with its gifts DESTROY YOU ALL."
— Said when Mystery box disappears.
"Where did it go?"
— Said when Mystery Box disappears.
"What? DO NOT TOY WITH ME, BOX!"
— Said when Mystery Box disappears.

InteractiveEdit

"Help is on the way, comrade!"
— When Nikolai is swarmed
"(Chuckling) Dempsey is trouble! (Laughter)"
— When Dempsey is swarmed
"Nein! Nikolai, you must survive!"
— When Nikolai is downed.
"I'm coming for you, Nikolai!"
— When Nikolai is downed.
"I will be coming soon Nikolai! Oh so soon..."
— When Nikolai is downed.

Casimir MechanismEdit

"Maybe we should help this... thing."
— When the generator is sucked into the Gersch Device.
"This Casimir Mechanism sounds intriguing!"
— When node one of the Casimir Mechanism is completed.
"Ahhhh, this is just too much fun!"
— When node two of the Casimir Mechanism is completed
"Casimir? Could this be related to Hendriks’s work?"
— When node three of the Casimir Mechanism is completed
"How exciting! JOY!!!"
— When node four of the Casimir Mechanism is completed
"You've already have this much power and you've want more?!? ... I like the way you think."
— Said in response to Gersch saying there still isn't enough power after a Gersch Device is used next to the Casimir Mechanism after all nodes have been activated.
"Ohhhh, I HATE it when that happens before I’m done!"
— If portal collapses prematurely
"1.21 GIGAWATTS!!! ...Where have I heard that before...?"
— When node puzzle is successfully completed (an obvious nod to the "Back to the Future" series)
"Fascinating! A dimensional rift! Goodbye Gersch! It would have been good to know you!"
— Richtofen when Gersch is released.

Matryoshka DollEdit

"It rubs the lotion on the doll, it does this every time. *long pause* Or else it gets the hose again."
— Upon getting a Matryoshka doll (Sometimes when activating a character doll). A reference to the movie "Silence of the Lambs".
"Oh, there's a doll inside a doll inside a doll! Sounds perverse!"
— Upon getting a Matryoshka Doll (Sometimes when activating a character doll).
"Mother never let me play with dolls. Now, they, are, MINE!"
— Upon getting a Matryoshka doll (Sometimes when activating a character doll).
"I used to crush these when I was young to hear my sister cry in anguish."
— Upon getting a Matryoshka doll. (Sometimes when activating a character doll).

OtherEdit

"Nein, my turn!"
— When being hurt and then knifing back the zombie.
"I do like the sound of this one... It tickles my special place."
— Said upon activating the musical easter egg
"I see one, two, thr-- oh shit."
— When being targeted by large group of zombies.
"Hey zombie, got the time? (laughs) Doubt it!"
— When shooting off a Zombie's arm. (A possible reference to a similar quote of Dempsey's from Kino der Toten.)

GerschEdit

"Please... Help me... She's coming! The mechanism must be repaired."
— Said at start of game, possibly seen Samantha.
"You've done it! Now, it needs as much power as possible. Hurry, she's getting nearer!"
— Said after generator is sucked into Gersch Device.
"Three more! No, stop it!"
— After activating Node 1 in the Casimir Mechanism.
"It needs to be more concentrated power for this to work!"
— After activating Node 2 in the Casimir Mechanism.
"Yes, YES! Almost there! Hurry! She's coming! LUNA!!"
— After activating Node 3 in the Casimir Mechanism.
"Ah yes, I'm free! I cannot thank you enough for releasing me from this horrible place."
— After completing the Casimir Mechanism.

Matryoshka Dolls Edit

TankEdit

"Your breath smells like death!"
— When Nikolai activates Tank's Doll
"Hey hey what up Tak?"
— When Takeo activates Tank's Doll, a pun of Bugs Bunny's catch phrase "What's up, Doc?"
"You suck Richtofen!"
— When Richtofen activates Tank's Doll
"Hey good looking!"
— When Tank activates his own doll

NikolaiEdit

"Oh... hi Dempsey!"
— When Tank activates Nikolai's doll.
"I hate you Richtofen!"
— When Richtofen activates Nikolai's doll.
"Your eyes are empty Takeo!"
— When Takeo activates Nikolai's doll.
"Hey... you look just like my sister!"
— When Nikolai activates his own doll.

TakeoEdit

"You ugly American!"
— When Tank activates Takeo's Doll
"Good day doctor!"
— When Richtofen activates Takeo's Doll
"I will not work for you!"
— When Nikolai activates Takeo's Doll
"For the emperor!"
— When Takeo activates his own doll

RichtofenEdit

"Hey, Dempsey, you're so big."
— When Tank activates Richtofen's Doll
"Ack... don't breathe on me."
— When Nikolai activates Richtofen's Doll
"Oh, hi Takeo!"
— When Takeo activates Richtofen's Doll
"(laughing) Stop tickling me!"
— When Richtofen activates Richtofen's Doll

Samantha MaxisEdit

"Come find me!"
— After the player rescues Gersch

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