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Welcome to the NEWS, the news that is WEEKLY, NEWS that happens every seven DAYS, here in BIG MOUNTAIN COD WIKI!

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Fun stuffs



Silver’s question of the week

Why do people throw tomatoes and eggs when surely coconuts would hurt more?

For centuries an unripe green coconut was the weapon of choice for local yobs and anyone attending a public humiliation down at the local market square. Before these tropical fruits arrived on our shores, if you happened to be walking past someone in the stocks you might throw a stone at them or tickle their feet, but you wouldn't dare waste food on them, even if it was rotten. But in 1777, during Captain Cook's third pacific island voyage, a galley-hand discovered the coconut whilst out collecting supplies and, recognising its ridiculously hard qualities, saw a great business opportunity.

To distract other potential entrepreneurs from discovering his own intended use for the fruit, he wrapped the coconuts in banana leaves and used them as balls in the ship's Sunday five-a-side football tournaments (the first ever recorded example of the game being played). After arranging the importation of hundreds of coconuts he arrived back in England and set up a stall next to a popular stocks spot. At first business was slow, but when passers-by realised they could throw coconuts repeatedly without them smashing and then take them home to ripen and eat afterwards, sales began to grow. Soon coconut stalls sprang up around the country and people were buying and throwing coconuts with such enthusiasm that the number of stock-related deaths rose by 40 per cent.

The government was happy; re-offending rates were down and the public health was up because of the consumption of fresh fruit. But when British merchants in the colonies began to realise the money-making potential of the coconut they put up exportation costs and most stall-owners could no longer afford the rates. Diversification was in order and so stall owners set up a nationwide campaign to encourage people to throw at least five different types of rotten fruit and vegetables a week. Although people were reluctant to waste food, initiatives soon changed their minds. A popular offer was for every four tomatoes/eggs/cabbages that you bought you got one free to eat. This in turn led to the introduction of stocks-smoothies, which you could either throw over the criminal or just sit back and slurp as you enjoyed watching that day's hanging.


Next question: "Does anything eat shit?"

And that's this week done. Have fun doing stuff that you do when you're not reading this.

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