Here it is. The whole first chapter of the game. There are ten chapters, five for the Battlefield fanboys, and five for the Call of Duty Wiki users. Don't worry, later chapters won't be such a long wall of text, this one was far too important to the story to condense further then it already is! I'm posting the full blog on April 15! Be excited!
Chapter I - 1337 Hacks
- Location: Nazi Zombies Plus Fanon Wiki
- Characters: XxXca11ofd00dyissux0rbfftwimso1337lolXxX, Callofdoodysux, and lolim1337
- Music: Hypernews - Jon CJG
In search of the legendary, "1337 SEXXXAY HAX," codkid, now renamed, XxXca11ofd00dyissux0rbfftwimso1337lolXxX, has traveled to the small Wiki of Nazi Zombies Plus Fanon, gaurded by the infamous HellHoundSlayer and his
slave partner, Daniel Smith.
The cutscene opens with the fanboy's leader leading an assault on a bunker inside the Nazi Zombies Plus Fanon Wiki (Rip-off of my Wiki, Nazi Zombies Plus) which is consistantly spawning nazi zombies to sprint at the invaders. "Keep pressing onwards, cunts!" The leader shouts. "HellHoundSlayer wouldn't fight with such desperation if the rumors weren't true! I will have those 1337, seeexxxaaayyy hacks!" They burst through into the bunker, and the resistance is heavily died down.
The player takes control of their selected character. The only enemies to start out with are low level nazi zombies, just to keep the player busy and to get the player accustomed to the game. As the level continues and the three fanboys continue to push harder into the facility, the zombies rise in power. At one point when traveling up a particularly long elevator, Daniel Smith contacts them. "I assure you there are no hacks here. I know HHS, and I know he is far too pathetically dim-witted to be in possession of such a thing. Or at least keep it from my knowledge. Please turn back now, I'd prefer it if this Wiki was-" "HEY! FUCKER! I SAID THE STRAWBERRY MILK! NOT CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE IS FOR PUSSIES! GET ME SOME NEW MILK AND MAKE SURE IT'S IN MY BOOBIE MUG!" HellHoundSlayer screaches from the background. "Errmm... yes, lord HHS..." the video feed is stopped. "Hah! They think they can fool the awesomeness that is me! I will kill both those cunts once I get those sexxay hacks!" The leader shouts. His followers all blindly agree with him.
They eventually reach HHS, and find that he does indeed have sexxxay hacks. "NO! I'M NOT LETTING YOU COCK SUCKERS GET MAH HACKS!" HHS screams at them. He then starts to attempt to destroy the coding for the hacks. "NO!" the fanboy leader shouts. "I MUST HAVE THOSE HACKS! THOSE 1337, SEXXXAY HACKS!" As more zombies spawn to stop you, the three fanboys must run up to HHS as fast as possible to stop him. Once you reach him, lolim1337 pushes HHS out of the way as he screeches obsceneties, and opens the hack containment unit. lolim1337 and Callofdoodysux are aprehensive, but the leader emmediatly runs into the damaged coding, embracing the power. "Fool! You'll die!" Daniel shouts. However, his expression becomes shocked as the fanboy leader just starts to laugh. "IMPOSSIBLE! HACKS CORRUPT AND DOMINATE ALL THEY COME INTO CONTACT WITH!" HHS screaches, terrified. The fanboy leader then announces "I... am the corrupter! I... am the dominator! I... AM... XxXca11ofd00dyissux0rbfftwimso1337lolXxX!!!" As HHS and Daniel scurry away, the fanboy leader walks up to his followers. "Now, fellow fanboys, recieve your BIRTHRIGHT!" He then infuses the other players with the hacks. They use the hacks to follow Daniel and HHS, destroying everything in their path. Once they catch up to Daniel Smith and HHS, they are about to leave the Wiki through a portal. "It's the end of the line mother-fuckers!" the fanboy leader shouts. "Time to ban you from Wikia's servers!" "NO! WAIT! I want to join you!" Daniel shouts. "And what use would you be to me?" "I know of a Wiki with over 2000 articles of monstrous creatures you could use as an army. I can only show you it if you give me your hacks, and let me join your ranks." "YOU BACK STABBING CUNT!" HHS shouts. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" he then retreats through the portal, leaving the Wiki. "What shall I do, my lord?" Daniel asks the fanboy leader. "Follow that stupid kid! He can report us to Wikia staff! This cannot happen! Am I clear!?" Daniel says yes, and he is sent through the portal after HHS along with Callofdoodysux and lolim1337. The fanboy leader, now armed with the hacks, travels to the Battlefield wiki. He has a score to settle.