Now that Black Ops II has finished it's DLC route, well, it still needs to release Apocalypse for PS3 and PC, it's time to rank all sixteen maps, I'm not including Dead Ops Arcade, in order of worst to best, in my opinion. Let the flaming begin.


Rezurrection Trailer Nacht Der Untoten


Nacht Der Untoten should probably still hold a place in all of our hearts, as it is classic, the first Zombies map ever. From this, we have come to this, within the span of a few years. Nacht Der Untoten was fun to play, but when you compare it to all the maps that have surpassed it, they're all full of way more features, and the quality is better. However, this map is still awesome to play when nostalgic, but, we all know it's not the best map.


Zombies Five BO
"FIVE" is a map, located in the White House, and we get to play as John F. Kennedy, Robert McNamara, Fidel Castro and Richard Nixon. Seems awesome, right? From the moment I first played this map, I thought it would be something special, however, from playing it further, I realized my hatred for this map. Sure, the characters are awesome, but the layout of the map is way too tightspaced, allowing little rooms for actual strategy, and I'd label it as one of the hardest maps in Zombies. The Wonder Weapons? We still got the Ray Gun, and stuffles, but the Winter's Howl... man is that gun horrible. I mean, really horrible. "FIVE" doesn't really pull it's weight, the teleporting was kind of horrible, seeing as the Zombies could teleport, the Thief was a dick, and horrible Wonder Weapon choice. I say, the Winter's Howl is worse than the Jet Gun.


Black Ops Moon Base
Moon looked very promising from the first bits of advertisement, I mean come on, slaying undead freaks on the Moon? Gravity? New perks, weapons, utilities. This map was going to be so awesome. Then, it came out, and I had really high expectations. Then, I thought the map was a flop. Looking at the good features, I loved those pad things which you jumped on in the Biodome, and the new weapons it introduced, well, the Zap Guns. They were cool. But the thing with Moon is... It felt empty. Described as the biggest map in Black Ops at it's release, admit it, almost everyone was in the Biodome for the entire match, sometimes leaving for weapons and perks. Not to mention that little asshole, well, giant asshole that stole your perks, and teleported you somewhere random afterwards, if you walk past him, and killing that mofo was annoying. He ruined a lot of the Moon experience for me. With the Gravity, traversing the map was a whole lot slower than usual, and I always found myself jumping high into the sky, and landing into a huge hoard. Just going through the doors, it opened, revealing about twenty zombies, because you can't see through them. Whoever the hell decided to make those Nova Gas Crawlers teleported has a lot of explaining to do. Getting Jug/Speed Cola and Pack-a-Punch? Most of the time when I play with people, they will not teleport there with me, leaving me to die without Jugg, and then they complain I went down. Ok, that's not the maps fault, it's the players, but it is still annoying. To me, it had little replayable value, and the Easter Egg was a cliff hanger in a suit, and Samantha was really annoying.


Der Riese is arguably the most favourable maps in the Zombies series, with love for it pouring around every single corner of the fanbase. But, why don't I like Der Riese? Allow me to explain. Der Riese added it some cool things, Pack-a-Punch, teleporters, Monkey Bomb, Bowie Knife, etc. But, the map itself is ugly. The blue really did get on my nerves. Ok, the colour isn't the only reason I dislike the map. I just got so bored with it, I mean, really bored. When you Pack-a-Punch your guns, I feel the game just dragged on from there. Surviving didn't feel as fun as the previous three maps, as I'd say this is when Zombies started to get easier. I kind of enjoy the map sometimes, but it got boring for me fast, and was really ugly. Don't kill me.


BO2 Gameplay Nuketown CDC
Nuketown Zombies is arguably the weakest map of Black Ops II, yes, I didn't like it that much, even less than Green Run. Nuketown was even smaller than the multiplayer counterpart, and felt more compact. Spawning perks seemed like a good idea at first, until you find yourself on round 20, and still no Juggernog! Nice idea! I seem to remember Treyarch stating they'd make it more unique than the multiplayer counterpart, by making it bigger than what it normally was, with underground stuff, etc. I remember them saying that, but the end product was sub-par. It's a fun map, but it didn't deliver. Being nameless agents was also boring for character. Overall, it just lacked quality.


Zombies Kino Der Toten BO
Kino's quite a fun map, but pretty basic too. It introduced us to two new traps, the turret and fire, and with Black Ops, we got a whole new array of Weapons, which was quite fun deciding which ones were the best at first, and Pack-a-Punching them. The Thundergun is widely popular, but I'm not really a fan of it, and the theater setting was cool. The weakest part about this map? It was really easy. There wasn't much fun in it, or innovation in it was the other maps, but it was still a great experience at the time. Solid map, but, there's better.


Black Ops Ascension Rocket
I never really got into Ascension as much as anyone else. From starting the map, it's in Black & White, all the way up until you turn on the power, which I thought was really stupid. It let me down too. The Lunar Landers were meh, it was quite glitchy for a map, the Easter Egg was a fuck-around, it was butt-ugly, the monkeys sucked, and really easy. I mean, really easy. It wasn't interesting, fun maybe for a bit, but it was a complete and utter letdown for me. And around this point in the game, the original crew's quotes were getting unbearable.


Flashback to TranZit Buried BOII
Green Run receives so much hate, I understand why, but I still like the map. Let's begin with the flaws, lava, glitchy bus which doesn't last long, big, but small at the same time with the amount that isn't covered with fog, face-fuckers, building was annoying at times, well for the Pack-a-Punch and Power Switch, and getting to Pack-a-Punch was annoying, no reward for the Easter Egg besides a trophy, and that's about it for me. However, let's talk about the positives. Obviously, Green Run still has that first map released vibe from me, giving me a fun feeling when I play it. The new characters were amazing, deal with it, TEDD was hilarious, Richtofen communicating with Samuel was cool, and buildables were mostly cool. I like the new weapons it added, and a lot of them are quite powerful, like the DSR-50 and Executioner. The Jet Gun may have been a pile of trash, but it was ok. Teleporting around the map made getting to people who are downed much more convenient, if you actually teleport to where you want to be. I thought it was a solid map, with awesome new features, and I don't believe it deserves the hate it gets. The atmosphere felt amazing, and it really did feel like an apocalypse. Tombstone is a life-saver.


Die Rise Marlton Misty
Die Rise has a sense of verticality, which was awesome. Playing on skyscrapers? Awesome. New characters back, exploring them more, and more about Stuhlinger's past? Awesome. Trample Steam? Awesome. Sliquifier? Awesome. Who's Who? Awesome. This map did many things right, and remains one of my favourites to this date, and feels more unique than the other maps. It was still quite easy, but it was really fun at the same time, though accidentally placing your Trample Steam a bit off would send you plunging to your death, and the huge amounts of trolling I experienced in this map was off the roof! I can remember when I once took all of my money out of the bank, and went up the elevator, and the people blocked me, and we all died, and I lost it all. :'( Still an awesome map, though.


Takeo Shangri-La Water Slide BO

Takeo the swagwater master

Shangri-La isn't that popular, and is arguably the most hated map out of the Black Ops DLC, and least played, but, I love it. It's a tough map, with it being really tight spaced, and not much places to move around and camp, coupled with the traps, and the two new zombie types, which add to the fun experience. The jungle environment was also pretty, and I loved the mine cart and water slide. The Easter Egg and Pack-a-Punch were a bit of a fuck around though. The Baby Gun's actual name was probably written the same way Twilight was, a cat trampling across a keyboard. Nethertheless, fun map, deal with it. Fuck yo opinions, jk.


Origins loading screen
Just to be clear, I TOLD YOU ALL WE'D BE GOING TO FRANCE IN ZOMBIES. I TOLD YOU. At first, this map seemed like a huge let down to me, as, original characters returning, it's an early map, so it doesn't really advance the story. But it's grown on me. I do feel the map can be quite annoying, with the generators, Wunderfizz, and that fucking ass grappling rapist asshole, but it's fun, to say the least. The characters aren't as annoying as usual, which was a plus. I liked how a lot of new weapons were added in, and the KSG and SCAR-H are fabulous. However, the ending was a bit flawed, I mean, it all being fake, well, as it's referenced? Btw, Eddie looks kind of weird. Solid map, but THE STAFFS ARE WAY TOO ANNOYING TO BUILD AND ARE PIECES OF CRAP.


Shi No Numa is amazing, we all know it. It introduced as with characters, so it felt better, even though I hate them now, but, kind of liked them before, I mean, we don't have random marines anymore! The Wunderwaffe DG-2 was a sexy beast, and the layout of the map was fun, all while bringing a fun challenge. Hellhounds were another hot addition, and the Flinger, amazing. This map needs more loving and tender caring from the fans, it is a god-send.

To be continued. We've still got  Verruckt, BuriedMob of the Dead and Call of the Dead to get through.

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